


Leave The Light On

by Not Applicable (not_applicable)



Series: My Gen Prompt Bingo Card [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alcohol, Angst and Porn, Cocaine, College, Developing Relationship, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Interracial Relationship, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Secret Relationship, Sexual Dysfunction, Shower Sex, adderall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-21
Updated: 2014-02-21
Packaged: 2018-01-13 07:09:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1217173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/not_applicable/pseuds/Not%20Applicable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was never doing this for fun.  He'd just wanted to stay awake.  And whatever you do, <i>please</i> don't tell that guy he's been fucking.  He kinda likes him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Leave The Light On

**Author's Note:**

> A fill for [my Gen Prompt Bingo Card](http://not-applicable.dreamwidth.org/3376.html): #1, **Drugs**.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING for sneaky lovers hiding things from each other and extremely irresponsible use of hard drugs. Also, there are mentions past gaybashing experiences and nonconsensual touches from strangers.
> 
> More MCU Tony/Rhodey in college. I'm sorry, but not really. ;-)
> 
> Much love to [Quandong](http://archiveofourown.org/users/quandong_crumble/) for the beta and her awesome support in general! She is flawless. #wokeuplikethis

_The Middle of August_

 

Tony didn't know who this guy was. Well, he looked a little familiar but Tony couldn't come up with his name to save his life. He tilted his head in the passenger seat, staring drunkenly at the driver – the guy was an engineering student, Tony could remember that much, military affiliated – judging by the haircut and the arms _(bet he looks really hot when he holds a pistol)_ , such a familiar face...

“What's your name?” Tony asked. The driver glanced over and grinned a little bit with a shake of his head.

“Rhodey,” he replied. “Jim, but most people call me Rhodey.”

The name _was_ familiar but Tony still couldn't place it. Did he work at the science library, maybe? Or at some admin desk – the graduate labs?

“I'm Tony.”

“I know.”

“Yeah. Thanks for the ride.”

“Anytime.”

They got back to Tony's apartment and Rhodey attempted to drop him off in front of the building. “I think I'm too drunk to make it upstairs,” Tony slurred, only half-serious. “Park. Walk me to my door.” So Tony directed Rhodey to the underground parking garage and they took the elevator upstairs silently, and now they were sitting side-by-side on Tony's couch.

“Where do I know you from?” Tony asked.

Rhodey rolled his eyes. “I see you all the time.”

“Where?”

“Everywhere.”

Tony breathed a laugh. “Well I guess that's enough with the small talk.” Tony moved his hand to Rhodey's crotch then, just rested it there, and though Rhodey _did_ look up to give Tony a sharp sneer, he still didn't bat that hand away.

“What are you doing?” Rhodey asked. “You already told me 'thanks for the ride,' you don't have to -”

“This isn't another 'thank you,'” Tony said. His hand worked slowly but methodically on top of Rhodey's track pants, slowly so that Rhodey had every chance to shove Tony off. He'd misjudged a couple of jocks before in his day and didn't want to end up eating a knuckle sandwich just because he felt like sucking cock. But once it was clear that this guy was not going to attack him or storm out, was actually firming up in Tony's hand and tenting out the front of his loose pants, Tony grinned quietly to himself, and he looked up at Rhodey. “I just wanna blow you.”

Rhodey actually laughed, a reaction Tony didn't expect, and then Tony saw Rhodey reach over with the hand opposite him and he could feel that hand in his lap now, kneading it's way up his thigh before resting on his own erection. “Well, I don't know about _that_ , but...” Rhodey trailed off as he threw his other arm up onto the back of the couch, around Tony's shoulders. They leaned together and met in a kiss that was much softer than Tony expected – he thought this muscly G.I. was gonna pin him to the couch or something, but he didn't. Tony was the one leaning up out of his seat and chasing Rhodey's lips, which were sucking at his, his tongue bold inside of Tony's mouth.

Tony moaned at the way this guy kissed and the hand on his dick, which was totally erect now and nearly throbbing – just from kissing. He'd pulled Rhodey's cock out of his pants and he could feel that it was slick at the tip already, so he leaned over and took the head in his mouth, gave it a greedy slurp before easing the rest of the length into his mouth.

“Whoa, whoa – hey,” Rhodey said, his voice a bit panicked and his hips backing away a bit, “oh _Christ_ – how old are you?”

Tony let out a muffled laugh and continued, because even though Rhodey seemed concerned (and how sweet was that) he was still letting Tony blow him and was jerking Tony off now, too, and Tony was surprised at himself because he was already dribbling a little in Rhodey's hand even though he'd been drinking and snorting Adderall all night. Well, he'd taken the Adderall to keep himself awake while he worked in the lab (still couldn't get hold of Patrice, his coke hookup – too early in the semester, maybe) and Rhodey had found him puking in a bush outside of whatever dorm he'd been partying in earlier. Some sort of a party for starting the new school year, which would be Tony's last if he could finish two doctorates by the spring. The guy recognized him but Tony _still_ couldn't place where he knew Rhodey from (“everywhere,” apparently), which was a little funny to him now that he was moving his mouth faster along Rhodey's cock, which was leaking along his tongue, Rhodey's hand in his hair now and guiding him gently.

Tony wanted to move down to the floor and kneel in front of this guy, suck him off proper, but Rhodey's hands were on him and they felt amazing, one on his cock and the other one brushing at his hair and caressing him, and Rhodey's hand was slick now, _fuck_ Tony was really turned on just by sucking some guy's cock. That wasn't common.

“Hey,” Tony heard, and he eased up off of Rhodey, and Rhodey used the hand in Tony's hair to guide their lips together, kissed him hard and with an open mouth. Rhodey's hand was still on Tony's cock but Tony's were roaming all around Rhodey's thick arms and muscular chest, down to his taught abs and back up, _goddamn_ he wanted to draw a giant portrait of this guy, this Adonis that just fell in his lap tonight...and then Tony felt his stomach drop and he just breathed helplessly for a moment, whispered a pathetic “oh god” before he suddenly came in Rhodey's hand and on his clothes, and Tony tried apologizing but Rhodey just kept kissing him, brought his free hand up to caress Tony's face.

So Tony retrieved his condoms and lube and ignored Rhodey's comment about him being drunk, and he fucked him right there on the couch. Rhodey's cock was thick and he liked kissing, actually seemed to love it, and when they were done Rhodey fell asleep right where he was. Tony put a blanket over him and went to his bedroom, where he slept alone.

 

Tony got up the next morning and Rhodey was gone. Where'd he know that guy from? He figured he should probably sort that out so things didn't get awkward in the future.

 

*

 

Tony looked directly at his adviser and didn't let his eyes wander. He couldn't look anywhere else because Rhodey was walking around the room and passing out packets of paper to everyone. Rhodey was his adviser's assistant and had attended almost every meeting of this committee so far this semester. So _that's_ where Tony knew him from. And he'd thought Rhodey was lying about the “everywhere” thing but sure enough...

Later that day, Tony went to the graduate labs to set up his studio and get started on his research project. There was Rhodey sitting at the front desk, checking IDs. So _that's_ where he knew him from, too.

Tony flashed his ID with a grin, but Rhodey didn't smile back. He waved Tony inside and Tony just shrugged. Whatever. Wasn't the first time he'd gotten the post-coital cold shoulder from a random hook-up.

 

Tony was wiping off his drafting table after snorting a small line of coke – Patrice had finally come through. He figured he'd be in the lab for at least two more hours and he was already exhausted. Someone knocked on the door and he got up and opened it to see Rhodey standing there, his face more than a little nervous.

“Well, well,” Tony said, and he moved aside so Rhodey could enter. “I thought we were gonna do that whole 'it never happened' thing.”

Rhodey turned around to face Tony. “You were drunk,” he said. “I mean, really drunk. And seriously, how old _are_ you because -”

“I wasn't that drunk,” Tony said. “Definitely not too drunk to say yes to _you_ , trust me.” Rhodey rolled his eyes, but Tony could see that he was grinning. “And I'm 19, for the record.”

Rhodey nodded, seemingly put at ease by that. “Well, everyone on campus says you're 16.”

Tony laughed – made sense. He looked 19, but he didn't particularly act the part. “Hey, look, I'm sorry about...your clothes,” he said, and Rhodey pressed his grinning lips together in what looked like an attempt to stifle a laugh. “I mean honestly. You shoulda woke me up before you left. I woulda given you some clean stuff.”

“I took some clean stuff,” Rhodey said. “Just a hoodie and some sweats – but my dorm is close by. We can go get your stuff if you want.”

 

They went back to Rhodey's private room at the graduate dorms and traded blowjobs, and Tony waited until Rhodey was asleep to leave. He went back to the labs, where he snorted more coke and continued creating blueprints for what he hoped one day would become a robot.

 

* * *

 

_September_

 

Tony watched everyone file out of his apartment from the couch. He didn't say goodbye. He'd kicked them all out after a pair of his father's cufflinks went missing. He didn't give a shit about Howard's stuff, not really, but he also didn't want people stealing from him. He should have known better than to invite six cokeheads into his place, but he'd woken up sick that day, his head burning with fever and his muscles screaming at him, but a few bumps cured what seemed to be like a legitimate flu. But then that meant that Tony was out of coke and Patrice was dry, and he needed to stay awake for the next few days to get the voice recognition software completed for his robot. He had to get coke from somewhere if he was gonna pull that off, and that's where the six cokeheads came in. Sometimes Adderall wasn't as strong as Tony needed it to be.

It was only nine o'clock, but he didn't want to go back to campus. He didn't trust himself to drive with his vision all shaky and spotty, plus he'd been drinking. He'd had plans to get laid tonight, too, but forget about banging some junkie with sticky fingers, whether they're an MIT student or not. He had Rhodey's number, but that guy...Tony was sure he grossed Rhodey out on some level. Tony ended up walking past the Labor Day parade last week and he saw Rhodey at the front of it, bearing the American flag in the ROTC Color Guard. Rhodey never saw him, just marched down the street flawlessly in sync with his fellow soldiers, and Tony thought to himself _can't compete with that_.

So instead he just looked for those cufflinks again (didn't find them) and then opened his fridge to see nothing but some high-end ketchup and twelve Ukrainian beers. Tony opened one up and drained it, then called a cab. He didn't want to stay at home and think about what would happen when Howard realized Tony had lost those cufflinks. He should just work on his robot's programming instead.

He arrived at the graduate labs to find Rhodey at the front desk, and they smiled at each other. Tony felt relieved, somehow. He hadn't expected to see Rhodey at all tonight.

“What are you workin' on?” Rhodey asked.

“Programming,” Tony said. “I'll be at the computers all night. Should be fun.”

Rhodey snorted, probably because he knew that Tony wasn't the greatest at programming yet – mechanics and electronics came naturally to Tony but computers were something he'd had to learn (though he'd mastered them by the age of ten) and he was still prone to mistakes here and there. “Need some help?”

Tony lifted an eyebrow as Rhodey stood. “It's ten o'clock, I'm off work now,” Rhodey continued. “I can take a look at it for you.”

“Be my guest.”

Being helped wasn't something that happened to Tony that often. He was a genius so it was assumed that he was perfect at everything, and of course nothing could have been further from the truth. His mistakes weren't catastrophic but they were frustrating, tedious quirks that were hard to find, and Rhodey had the knowledge and patience to search them out. By the time they left the lab, his robot could hear his voice.

 

They got pizza and then went to Rhodey's room, where they ate and then made out and then undressed, but once Rhodey got down to his boxers he rolled over and pulled the comforter over them both.

“What are you doing?” Tony asked, dumbfounded.

“I got seminar at eight,” Rhodey said. “I'm going to sleep.” Tony huffed and stroked Rhodey's arm, making Rhodey turn to face him. “What? You don't have a boner or anything.” Tony fought off the redness in his face – Rhodey was right. That happened because of the coke sometimes, but Rhodey didn't know that. “There's another bed over there if there isn't enough room for you. Or, you know, it's cool if you just wanna go home.”

“No, it's fine,” Tony said quickly, before he even realized he was speaking, and then he slid down in the bed and put his back to Rhodey, let him spoon him. They always fell asleep together but they hadn't even fucked tonight, and Tony felt awkward when Rhodey's arm slid around his waist. Tony just sighed, then sighed again, and he closed his eyes. He was awake for an hour before his breathing finally fell into rhythm with the breathing of the body behind his, and the weight of heavy arms stilled the manic vibration in his muscles. The room smelled like clean skin, like the bedsheets and Rhodey's clothes, and Tony finally fell asleep.

 

He woke up at one in the afternoon alone in the room. It was so bright in there it was giving Tony a headache - the blinds were open and Rhodey had left a lamp on at the desk, and sitting there was the room key. Tony got up and got dressed quickly, and he freshened up in the en-suite sink before grabbing the key and exiting, then locking the door behind himself. He made it all the way to his studio when he realized he'd left his keys in Rhodey's dorm room, but he just shrugged. He went to the campus gym, where his locker had a combination lock, and he got his spare set.

 

*

 

A few days later, Tony went to the periodicals desk in the science library, where Rhodey worked. He was printing out journal articles, and Rhodey was the one who had to retrieve them from the printer behind the desk. Rhodey placed the stack of paper before Tony without looking at him, and Tony looked down to see his keys sitting on top of the pile.

He brushed them off with a flick of his hand, leaving them on the countertop. “Keep 'em,” Tony said. “I have a feeling that you won't lose them.”

“Fair enough,” Rhodey said, and he finally looked at Tony. “You can keep mine, too. It's good to have a spare handy.”

 

* * *

 

_December_

 

Tony went to the stair well for a little top-off – just a couple of bumps off of one of his keys, not much. He'd learned his lesson about doing coke in the bathrooms around here – thank god that the kid who caught him agreed not to tell in exchange for having the rest of Tony's stash. It was almost a whole quarter, a lot to part with at once, but Tony could replace it. Better than the alternative.

He went back to the lab and walked past Rhodey, who was typically surrounded by lab notes and blueprints and drafting notebooks (prepping for finals), but today he was just reading a book – _Islands in the Stream,_ Hemingway – and it must have been good because he didn't even look up at Tony when he walked by. Tony went back to his studio, to the arm he was preparing to finally attach to the body of his first robot. It had an internal rechargeable battery and it could respond to voice commands and eventually it would be able to learn. Rhodey helped him with it sometimes, when he wasn't working.

It was already eight o'clock, and Tony hadn't eaten anything since lunch. His hands were tingling from that top-off and he clicked his teeth together a couple of times – his face was numb. Maybe he'd taken a little too much. Whatever, he could still focus enough to put this arm on. Tony went to his toolbox to gather the appropriate screws and washers and cables, and he heard the door to his studio open up. Tony didn't look up – only one other person had a key.

“When's your next night off?” Tony asked. “I need you on the computer, seriously - the coding for the voice commands is giving me real shit right about now and I wanna get this done before Christmas break.”

“I'm done for the night, actually,” Rhodey said, “but I gotta work on some other stuff first. I got time later this week, though.”

Tony glanced up. Rhodey was wrapping his scarf around his neck, pulling on his jacket, getting ready to step out into the cold Cambridge winter. He had a bag of fast food in his hand, and he sat it on Tony's drafting table. “Want this? Burgers, couldn't finish 'em.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Tony said. “What are you working on tonight?”

“Writing up lab notes – I got a demo tomorrow,” he explained.

“Do it at my place,” Tony said, and Rhodey nodded. “I'm leaving here in an hour or two.”

“Okay, see ya.”

Rhodey left and Tony picked up the burger to find that Rhodey hadn't eaten any of it – it was completely intact and still a little warm.

 

Rhodey left and Tony got the robot's arm attached and wired about twenty minutes later, and he tried looking at the code but his vision was shaking and his hands were kind of trembly now so he just packed up his stuff and headed to the gym, where he ran two miles and swam thirty laps before going to the sauna for half an hour. He was already late getting home but he wanted to come down a good bit before he saw Rhodey. Tony wanted to touch him with warm, still hands that weren't clammy and shaky, he wanted his eyes to be clear and bright, he wanted his blood to flow smooth and clean so he could get an erection this time around – he was running out of believable excuses for why that happened sometimes.

 

*

 

It was midnight when Tony made it back to his apartment and Rhodey was there still, his books spread on the coffee table while he sat at a nearby desk and used a word processor to type up his lab report. He glanced up at Tony but didn't say anything at first, just nodded and kept typing. Tony put his gym clothes away and left his school bag on his bedroom floor. The sneakers Rhodey was wearing that day were at the foot of Tony's bed, too, and Tony knew that another pair of Rhodey's shoes were in his closet, left there from the last time he slept over.

They decided to meet up exclusively at Tony's place about two months ago, shortly after Tony sort-of-accidentally gave Rhodey his own key to the apartment. No big deal – he liked knowing there was a person out there with a key to his place and not just spares lying around in secret places that only he knew about. It was better to move the action off-campus, anyway. Rhodey was the graduate assistant to Tony's academic adviser, who also chaired Tony's dissertation committee for his doctorate in robotic engineering, and Rhodey insisted that others would view their extracurricular activities as a “conflict of interest.” Not to mention the military stuff. But it wasn't so bad. Tony didn't mind that Rhodey had so much access to his space when he would come home occasionally to find food in his fridge and a light on, even if Rhodey wasn't there.

Tony went back into the living room and Rhodey was on the couch now and flipping through a book while his notes printed out across the room. Tony sat beside him but said nothing, just listened to the noisy printer while Rhodey flung an arm up onto the back of the couch, around Tony's shoulders.

“Thanks for that burger.”

“Oh. No big deal.”

Tony knew that Rhodey had brought that sandwich just for him. So Tony got Rhodey hard with a blowjob and then Rhodey fucked Tony enthusiastically and happily, right there on the couch, and Tony stayed on his stomach so that Rhodey couldn't see that his dick was once again limp and useless despite Tony's best efforts. They went to the bedroom and Rhodey fell asleep about half an hour later (he had to be at work at 8 am, and Tony hadn't gotten in until after midnight) and Tony just watched Rhodey for a while, looked at his bare back, at his shoulders and the pillow tucked under his neck. Tony pressed himself close and fell asleep much quicker than he thought he would.

 

*

 

Tony woke up the next afternoon and Rhodey was already gone. He got up at 3 pm and ordered a pizza, then did a few lines before heading to the lab.

 

* * *

 

_The End of January_

 

Tony was running around campus nearly in a panic. He and Rhodey were supposed to meet that day at 4 pm to suss out a new issue with the robot's programming, and it was 6 pm now. Tony had overslept, had let himself crash for hours when he knew he couldn't afford that luxury. He also knew that today was busy for Rhodey and that Rhodey was doing him a favor by setting aside part of his afternoon to help Tony with his doctoral research project. Tony felt like a real asshole. He'd called the lab frantically and tried to find Rhodey before he left his apartment, but Rhodey had already come and gone. So Tony threw on clothes and drove like a maniac to campus, where he was now walking into the science library and making a beeline to the periodicals desk, where Rhodey worked about two days a week. He wasn't there, either. So Tony went to the administrative desk in the engineering building where Rhodey answered the phones at night. Rhodey was there, and he was reading his book again.

“I overslept, I'm so sorry,” Tony said immediately, but Rhodey just held up a silent hand.

“I found the problem,” Rhodey said. “Worked it out for you, printed up some stuff and left it in your studio. It's okay.”

“Thanks, man. I know you're busy and I -”

“Hey.” Rhodey's tone was firm but his eyes were soft, though he wasn't smiling. “I'm not mad. It's no big deal.”

Tony took a deep breath and stepped back from the desk. There were other students milling about, not paying attention to them – but then again, everyone paid attention to Tony Stark even when he thought they weren't.

“I just don't want you thinkin' that I don't value your time,” Tony said. “Because I do.”

Rhodey looked away, but he nodded.

“I'm gonna be in the lab tonight,” Tony said, still moving away from the desk, “so feel free to...you know, come by, go over that coding with me.”

“Maybe,” Rhodey said. “I gotta be at the desk until ten, and after that I need to work on my thesis, so...”

Tony tried not to wince. “You coulda done that instead of waiting around for _me_ all afternoon, huh?”

“ _Tony._ ” Rhodey's eyes sharpened. “Not right now, okay?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Tony just nodded and walked away.

 

Rhodey didn't show up at ten or eleven or midnight, so Tony went to a friend's house and got high. They watched movies and did too many bumps to count, then the dealer showed up and Tony got a quarter to hopefully last him through the week. It was new stuff so he tried a little and wow, totally top shelf shit, and at six in the morning Tony realized that it was...six in the morning. He had to meet with this dissertation committee at noon that day and he didn't have any of the blueprints made up and that he was supposed to have available for them. He was due to have a live demonstration of his robot by the middle of February, and January was almost over.

Tony went home, and he came in to find a lamp on in the living room. Rhodey must have come over last night. Tony cursed himself and took a shower, then looked in his fridge to find something to eat. There was roasted chicken with rice and peas in a to-go container, something that Rhodey obviously left for him, and Tony ate it quickly. He looked at himself in the mirror and frowned – he was pale and getting thin, not eating enough, not spending enough time in the sun. He was a little groggy but a thick line of coke corrected that, and he was screaming at the traffic on his way to campus. He got to the lab and finished up his blueprints quickly, then produced copies for his committee.

 

Tony couldn't seem to stop his foot from shaking. The movement was radiating up his leg and he could feel his thigh bouncing on his chair. He pressed a hand to his leg and nodded, smiling across the conference room table as he listened and responded to various questions from his dissertation committee. Rhodey came in and whispered something to one of his professors, handed the guy a memo before walking off while the professor read it. They didn't look at each other. Tony was due to meet with his committee for his doctorate in aerospace engineering later that afternoon. His adviser had warned him against trying to finish both doctorates at the same time but Tony knew he could handle it.

After the meeting adjourned, Tony went back to his apartment to do a little writing and organize his floppy disks for a visit to the lab later on. He snorted three lines of cocaine and stood up to find his nose bleeding – nothing major, just a steady drip out of one nostril. That wasn't the first time that had happened, no big deal, so he just tucked cotton into his nose and sat down at his word processor.

Tony called Rhodey later that night to apologize again - “For what?” Rhodey asked, and then he asked to come over, and Tony acted like he was busy when the truth was that he was up to his chest in primo coke and unable to get a hard-on if he tried. So they had phone sex instead and Tony performed admirably, he thought, because Rhodey could only breathe once they were done, didn't say anything for quite a while, and when he finally spoke all he said was, “I'm coming over. See you in fifteen.”

Rhodey got there and he pinned Tony against the wall with kisses, snickering into it the entire time, and soon Tony couldn't help but laugh, too. They were in the hallway – hadn't even made it to the bedroom yet.

“I've never done that on the phone before,” Rhodey chuckled, and it seemed that he couldn't meet Tony's eyes. “ That was _wild_ , Tony.”

“Glad you liked it,” Tony said, and he leaned up and kissed Rhodey again. Tony still didn't think he could get an erection but this kiss...it was hot and their mouths were open, and Rhodey's hands were roaming all over Tony's body as he pulled him into the bedroom. Maybe they could just kiss. They'd done that before, right?

They fell on the bed and Rhodey hugged Tony to him, rolling them both onto their sides so he could kiss Tony again. The television was on and Rhodey looked up – _The Equalizer_ was on. They both loved that show so they couldn't help but tune in, and after half an hour Tony could hear soft snoring. Rhodey was fast asleep, an arm still underneath Tony and wrapped around him, their foreheads together on the pillow. No sex tonight, obviously, but that was more than fine. So Tony picked up the remote and turned off the television, then he set his alarm for 6:30 am before rolling back to Rhodey to press their heads together again, and he fell asleep.

 

Tony got up when he felt Rhodey leave the bed just minutes before the alarm was to go off. Tony was exhausted – he felt like crashing again but he still made Rhodey breakfast – just a bagel with egg and lox, but he figured that Rhodey would be appreciative since Tony never even cooked for himself, let alone anyone else. Maybe Tony was a bit nervous for Rhodey's reaction at this edible gesture of thanks, but he wanted to do something for Rhodey. He hadn't ever really wanted to do _any_ thing like this for anyone else. There wasn't anyone else, not anymore. Tony didn't think Rhodey knew that there wasn't anyone else, that it was just them at this point. For three months now, it had only been just them. It had never been like that for Tony before – there was _always_ someone else. Sometimes Tony thought about telling Rhodey that.

Rhodey smiled at Tony when he emerged from the shower and saw his breakfast, neatly plated and accompanied by coffee on the kitchen table. They talked a little about school but mostly about basketball while they ate, and Rhodey was headed to campus by 7:15 am. Rhodey thanked Tony again and again for the meal, so much so that Tony felt himself blushing after a while. Rhodey left without offering a hug or a kiss or anything, but that wasn't new. They were to meet at 5:30 pm in Tony's studio to finally look at the robot's programming together. He wouldn't oversleep this time.

 

* * *

 

_February 15 th, 1990_

 

Tony's demo went swimmingly. His robot was called DUM-E and his professors seemed to find that charming, not to mention that the demonstration went off without a hitch. Tony always gave credit where credit was due and admitted freely that Jim Rhodes had basically beta tested the robot's programming. The professors nodded and patted Rhodey's back at that information, and Tony felt something curl in the pit of his stomach when he noticed Rhodey's silly and modest grin at the praise. They both wanted to celebrate afterward so Tony ran three miles and had a sauna before Rhodey took him to a Jamaican restaurant (and insisted on paying) and then to a college bar, where they played pool and Tony did just one or two bumps in the bathroom. He didn't have to go to the lab for the next couple days and he was so tired, but he wanted to have some energy tonight. It had taken him all night to realize that he and Rhodey were basically out on a date, and he didn't want to fuck it up by nodding out.

They went back to Tony's place and Rhodey shocked him by making out with him on the taxi ride, their kisses visible from the street and in the driver's rear-view mirror. Tony pushed Rhodey back into the seat and leaned over him, moaned in his mouth at the feel of Rhodey's hot hands on his back, under his shirt. This was bold as shit of them, but maybe Rhodey was drunk and just didn't care. They got to Tony's place and he fumbled with the keys to his apartment door while Rhodey leaned against him and laughed into his hair.

“You smell sweaty,” Rhodey said.

“I went to the gym before we came out tonight.”

“Didn't shower?”

“I hit the sauna.”

“That's pretty much the opposite of a shower.”

Rhodey shoved Tony inside and they went to the shower together. The water was so warm that Tony was actually starting to feel tired again despite the quality of the coke was getting his hands on lately. Rhodey's hands on his shoulders and his scalp, big and hot and heavy, made Tony feel like melting into the shower floor, falling asleep right there. So he sank to his knees and sucked Rhodey long and slow, held him by his hips and hummed around his thick cock, and when he felt Rhodey's hand on his cheek he moved away to kiss his palm, to look at up at him and grin. Tony had a hand wrapped around his own cock but it was still limp as a noodle, no matter how hard he pulled and tugged on it. Visiting the gym usually did the trick, and today he hadn't done nearly as much coke as usual. He was gonna have to cut back then. Rhodey didn't know about this particular habit of Tony's, thank fucking god, and he dreaded the day that Rhodey might find out.

But Rhodey was grinning down at him, too, and they stayed that way for so long that soon they weren't grinning anymore, just staring at each other, and Tony's stomach felt funny again, like it was full of hot coffee. The moment wasn't awkward either, but the knowledge that it wasn't _was_ awkward. So Tony took Rhodey in his mouth again and Rhodey began to leak a bit, and the taste was what finally made Tony's cock twitch, the way Rhodey's hand still rested on his cheek and the way Rhodey's knees trembled just slightly. It was almost two in the morning and Rhodey had to be at work at 9 am tomorrow in the science library, but he'd still taken Tony out for dinner and drinks to celebrate a job well done. He helped Tony. He didn't do the robot's programming _for_ Tony – he directed Tony on how to do it himself, he taught him things, knowledge worth retaining. Rhodey had his own studies, too – how was this guy even managing to find time for Tony?

Rhodey gave a strong throb in his mouth and leaked copiously along Tony's tongue, Rhodey's pleasure making Tony's cock finally become thick in his hand. “Hold on,” Rhodey breathed, and Tony relented, kissed Rhodey's cock before letting it go. Tony stood and Rhodey kissed him, pulled their bodies flush together and pressed Tony back against the shower wall as he sucked at his mouth sweetly. Rhodey's hands traveled up and down Tony's ass and along his sides, and he pressed his hips into Tony, slid his erection between Tony's legs along his sac, and Tony moaned at that – he was rock hard now and ridiculously turned on despite the modest amount of cocaine he'd done that day. Rhodey's touch was overpowering the numbness in Tony's face, the tingling in his legs.

Tony felt strong hands gripping his thighs, pulling up, so he wrapped both legs around Rhodey's waist and let himself be anchored against the wall, _so_ ready to get fucked just like that, but then he was surprised when Rhodey held him close and pulled away from the wall to walk him right out of the shower. Rhodey held Tony up with ease and they both chuckled as Rhodey wiped his feet on the bath mat before exiting the bathroom and walking them to Tony's bed, where he kneeled carefully before leaning forward and laying Tony down.

“ _Really_?” Tony asked, unable to suppress a laugh. “My bed is gonna be _soaked_.”

“Thought we were celebrating,” Rhodey said lightly as he sat up and nudged Tony's legs apart while his other hand flipped open the lid on a bottle of lube. “We can stop, dry off if ya want.” Rhodey's fingers moved quickly, this part of the act more like muscle memory for them at this point. Tony sighed then and let his muscles relax, let Rhodey's fingers enter him carefully – the guy was always so careful with this – tried to ignore the way his vision still jumped a bit and the strange tension in his thighs as Rhodey prepared him.

“Don't you dare stop,” Tony moaned, making Rhodey snicker, fingers curling, and Tony's moan climbed an octave. They were both dripping wet from the shower and the sheets beneath them were already a soggy mess, but Tony didn't care – he was harder than he'd been in months, and now he was murmuring and reaching down for Rhodey's shining hips, skin slick and sparkling in the dim light of the room, and he curled his hips upward as Rhodey leaned down onto an elbow and rocked his own hips forward. Their bodies joined smoothly and almost effortlessly in one quick stroke, to the hilt, and Tony wrapped his legs around Rhodey and sighed, fell back against the bed and just breathed. He was used to being on his stomach so he could hide his limp dick when they fucked, but now they were face to face and his whole body was humming and Rhodey looked gorgeous, touched Tony like he was gorgeous, too. Rhodey wasted no time, hooked an arm behind Tony's knee and kissed his lips as he fucked him, whispered things there, things that made Tony try to hide his face but it never worked. Rhodey's smile flashed bright in his face, a face that dripped water onto Tony's and smiled so sincerely that Tony really did wish he could hide from it sometimes.

Tony's cock throbbed between them, almost painfully erect now, and when Rhodey wrapped a hand around it Tony yelled curse words and knotted his fists in the damp sheets. Rhodey's other hand nudged Tony's hips into a better position as he fucked him, and he was looking right at Tony, smiling at him, winking as his hand twisted at the head of Tony's cock, and Tony was cursing again and coming, his body shaking and his face red with both lust and embarrassment – they'd only been at it for five minutes, maybe seven.

“Sorry,” Tony slurred as he grabbed a tissue off of the bedside table and cleaned himself up quickly, and Rhodey was shaking his head at the apology while he laid on his back. Tony climbed on top of him slowly, eased Rhodey's cock back inside of him in a way that he actually hoped came across as caring. “Relax, babe, I got you,” Tony mumbled as he moved, sighed and kept his eyes closed until he felt Rhodey's breath along his lips, and he leaned down to press Rhodey back into the mattress with fevered kisses _(relax for me, you work so hard, you help me so much when you really shouldn't, let me try to make you happy)_ and wipe away the water that was running from his hair onto Rhodey's face. And they stayed that way until Rhodey came, faces wet and pressed together, moaning into each other's mouths, fingers of one hand threaded into Rhodey's on the pillow while the other caressed his hair and his face. And then Rhodey's hand gripped Tony's hip and held him there as their eyes locked together, no words spoken, not even curses – Rhodey just pulled Tony down flat against him, both arms around his waist as his hips stuttered at Tony's body.

They settled down and looked at each other for a moment, kissed for a little while. Tony noticed Rhodey's eyes drooping shut and he kissed his cheeks, his temple, his neck, and soon Rhodey was snoring softly beneath him with his arms still around Tony's middle, even though the bed was soaking wet and starting to get cold. Tony really did envy how easily Rhodey always dropped off into sleep. So Tony turned up the central heating and turned on a space heater, too, and he went to the balcony and smoked a joint but put it out after only a couple of drags – he was exhausted, tired to his bones after an evening of booze and sex and very little cocaine. Tony felt like he could pass right out. He didn't have to meet with any of his committees or his adviser tomorrow. He'd be at home all day, free to sleep. Tony joined Rhodey in bed where the sheets were damp but warm, much more comforting of a feeling than he thought it would be.

 

*

 

Tony woke up when he felt someone kissing his face. He almost jumped but calmed himself immediately, and he opened his eyes to see Rhodey fully dressed and leaning over him. The room was full of sunlight for a change – the curtains were open and so were the blinds.

“See you later?” Rhodey asked.

“Yeah, tonight,” Tony replied quietly, still quite groggy, and Rhodey smiled.

“Deal,” Rhodey said, and he kissed Tony's lips. “Later.”

Rhodey left and Tony fell right back asleep, not bothered by the light.

 

* * *

 

_April_

 

Months passed and Tony tried to lighten up on the coke, but he was trying to finish two doctorates by spring commencement. Tony spent so much time in the lab perfecting his robot and designing bombers for his dissertations (Stark Industries already purchased the blueprints for his first bomber jet design, and it wasn't even finished yet) that he _knew_ he couldn't pull this off without strong uppers – he only took his Adderall nowadays when he couldn't get his dealer on the phone, and then he'd always crush them and snort them. So he would pick up a quarter from Patrice every Monday and Thursday, and he would work in the lab until the sun came up. He still got nosebleeds every now and then, and Tony was sure to _never_ see Rhodey when he was fucked up. _That_ guy...it was warm out now, almost time for Easter break, and Tony was planning to crash out for all three of those days since he knew he was running himself ragged. He wanted peace and quiet for a change during the break. He decided he would stay at his apartment in Cambridge and sleep off months of cocaine and Adderall, and then when May rolled around he could finish out the semester with just a bump here and there.

 

*

 

But of course it didn't work out that way. (It never does.) Rhodey went home for Easter so Tony was by himself in Cambridge with his trashy townie friends, his dealer, and other students that used drugs to make ridiculous academic feats happen, and they partied for all three of those days straight with Tony as their benefactor. He did coke all day and drank at night in an attempt to come down a bit – he desperately wanted to catch up on his sleep, but every night he'd get a phone call and end up at someone's apartment or with the crowd over at his place. Things disappeared sometimes – little stuff like watches or pricey designer shoes, nothing he couldn't replace, but he changed his bedroom doorknob to one that locked with a key. He made out a little bit with this guy one night. Just a few kisses, and Tony shoved him off when he tried to get under his clothes. Tony got phone calls from Rhodey during all this and he would go into his bedroom to talk to him while the party raged outside, listened to stories about wild church sermons and spoke to Rhodey's mother for the first time.

 

*

 

Tony heard keys at his apartment door and he looked up sharply, shushing the people around him. They were at the coffee table cutting lines on the glass tabletop when the door swung open, and Rhodey was standing there with his bag in his hand and a confused look on his face. Rhodey didn't know any of these people – this group was all townies, all coke users or dealers. Tony walked over quickly and took Rhodey by the shoulders – Tony was geeked but he just tried to keep talking, tried to play it off and walk Rhodey towards his bedroom while staying between Rhodey's line of sight and his coke-covered coffee table.

“Hey man, how was Philly? How's your mom? Hey, tell your sister, tell her I found that issue of _Popular Mechanics_ she was talking about, you know, with me and Howard on the motorcycle I built when I was like six, we've got stacks of them in Malibu and I will definitely sign one and send it to her. How was the trip? You tired? Hungry?”

All of this was being said as Tony practically dragged Rhodey into his bedroom, the only quiet and clean place in Tony's apartment now. Rhodey didn't say anything back as they walked, just grinned a little and let his eyes dart all around, and that worried _the fuck_ out of Tony – Rhodey's eyes, Rhodey seeing him like this, Rhodey knowing this awful thing about him.

Tony shut the door behind them and locked it, then pulled at the knob to make sure it was shut. Rhodey sat his bags down on the floor and took Tony by the shoulders, making him turn and face him so he could study his face for a long moment. Tony was terrified but he just stood there, just took the judgment because at least Rhodey was home – was _back_ , he meant. Tony could tell that Rhodey hadn't even gone back to his own dorm room yet.

“What's up with your eyes?” Rhodey asked, and Tony blanched so hard he felt faint.

“Nothing, what do you -”

“What are you on?” Rhodey asked calmly. “What are all those people in your living room on?”

Tony thought about admitting to it but he didn't want Rhodey to walk out on him. Lying would probably get Rhodey to walk out, too, though, so... _fuck_. Tony just wanted a hug and a kiss. He had been awake for five days and he'd barely eaten anything in that time. He wanted to fall asleep in a soggy bed again.

“I'm sorry,” Tony said. “It was just a little coke. It won't happen again.”

“I'd love that,” Rhodey said, “but you don't have to make it sound like I'm your dad or anything.”

 _Well then, what are you to me?_ Tony wanted to ask. _Are you my man or something like that? If you're my man then that's okay, you can ask, that would make it your business I guess, but if not then I don't even see why you give a shit. Are we dating? It's different from being my friend, you know – I kissed somebody while you were gone and I feel like a total piece of shit for it. There isn't anyone else anymore._

“Hey.” He snapped out of it when Rhodey spoke. Tony's hands were shaking. Rhodey seemed to notice so he pulled Tony to him and kissed his lips tenderly, petted his face and whispered words of comfort into his mouth. Tony felt like crying but he didn't, he couldn't, he was totally dehydrated and exhausted from days of staying up on cocaine and Adderall and he was thinking a million things that he couldn't bring himself to say, so he let out hot, angry puffs of air into Rhodey's shirt and held him tight around the waist.

“I'm sorry,” Tony said again, muffled by Rhodey's shoulder. “I'm just too fucking busy this year, I need something to...I'm sorry, don't judge me, I don't want you to think I'm -”

“I don't,” Rhodey said tersely, sharply, but he was swaying from side to side, rocking Tony quietly.

 

Tony kicked everyone out and cleaned off his coffee table before having Chinese food delivered and bathing with Rhodey. He waited for Rhodey to search his room or demand that he flush his stash but that never happened, and Rhodey didn't get up-in-arms when Tony told him that he needed to smoke weed if he was going to sleep that night. Actually used the word “need.” Tony sat on the balcony alone and smoked four joints before he began to feel tired, and he brushed his teeth and went back to the bedroom.

“Are you gonna tell my adviser how I'm making two doctorates happen at once?” Tony asked as he stripped for bed.

“No,” Rhodey said, already under the covers. “I just hope you're not high when you walk across that stage, that's all.”

“I won't be,” Tony said. He climbed in with Rhodey and was almost surprised when they kissed. “I promise. I can't do this for much longer, anyway.”

 

* * *

 

_The Beginning of May_

 

A few weeks later and it was finals for all the underclassmen and grad students, so Tony didn't see much of Rhodey. He was making arrangements to have his robot shipped home so he could work over the summer – oh yeah, turned out he wasn't gonna be able to complete two doctorates in a single year after all. Tony was brilliant but he wasn't _that_ smart, and so much of his doctoral research required hands-on work in lab environments. He could build robots that could understand human speech, but he couldn't force 36 hours into a day. He knew he'd been too ambitious by setting such a ridiculous goal for himself – even his parents thought that he was spreading himself rather thin academically – and _now_ look at him. Tony realized that he'd been doing coke on his days off for months now, trying his best to keep it to little bumps here and there, but sometimes he'd catch himself awake for 72 hours and not answering his phone. Then he'd remember that he only started with the uppers so he could spend more time in the lab, and then he'd go to the lab in an attempt to make it all justifiable and okay. It had all happened so fast, too fast for him to really even notice until now, which definitely counted as “too late.” Tony was thin and he was pale and he felt sick without cocaine, and he didn't understand why Rhodey was still fucking him. Still answering his phone calls.

Tony didn't want to come back next fall still in this state. He was disappointed in himself for not finishing in May and he didn't want to go home like this, addicted to a yuppie drug like so many of the kids in Malibu. He didn't want his parents to find out. He didn't want to spend his summer this way and he didn't want next fall to be another blur of coked-up work nights and hiding his limp dick from Rhodey. He wasn't even twenty years old yet and was already contemplating rehab. Maybe he could kick this habit on his own. He knew he could do his schoolwork without drugs – he'd just have to do it slower.

Tony went to the lab on the last day of the semester to save all of his programming onto disks and oversee the workers moving his robot to the loading dock, where a Stark Industries helicopter waited to transport it to his family's airstrip and onto an SI cargo plane. He wanted to appear attentive so he snorted a fat rail in the bathroom, breaking his own rule, and he hoped no one noticed that he was jittery and yelling a lot. These guys were so clumsy, though, treated DUM-E like he _wasn't_ a groundbreaking new prototype that demonstrated the brilliance of artificial intelligence, voice recognition software, and advanced mechanics combined.

Tony went to the lobby phone and called Rhodey's room. He knew that Rhodey wasn't flying home until tomorrow because Tony had bought his ticket for him – insisted on it, actually. Tony got no answer. So he went into town and found Patrice, purchased just an eight-ball this time around because he'd be flying home tomorrow, too, and though he'd be flying private with no risk of getting searched, his dad would probably come with the jet to “pick him up” and Tony _knew_ that he'd purposely OD himself if he had to spend eight hours with Howard. An eight-ball? That wasn't enough to last him through a night nowadays.

People were partying at Patrice's so Tony hung around for a while, did some free drugs and had quite a time getting this one particular dude to stop touching him. Tony had made a reputation for himself over the past few years in Cambridge but he stopped fucking around months ago....by October, at least. There was just Rhodey now, didn't this guy know that? Couldn't people tell?

But Rhodey wasn't Tony's man, was he? He'd never said so. Tony wasn't sure. He'd never had a boyfriend before.

Still, he wasn't gonna fuck or kiss or make out with this person. A person with rotten teeth and paper-thin skin and horrible breath and skinny, rough, cold hands. Tony hadn't seen Rhodey all week. They'd spoken a couple times on the phone, had dinner together one night as well, but that was it. Finals week. Busy, busy. Well, that's what he hoped. Rhodey knew that Tony used drugs now, and Tony was sure that offended Rhodey's upstanding and all-American sensibilities at least a little bit.

Tony yelled at the guy and then he yelled at Patrice, and then Patrice kicked Tony the fuck out for being disrespectful but who cares, fuck that, Tony could find coke all over this town if need be. So he drove himself back to campus and parked at the science library, which was closed. Rhodey wouldn't be there. Tony went to the admin desk at the School of Engineering, where Rhodey worked, too, and the secretary told him that all student employees were gone until the start of intersession. Rhodey was spending the summer in Philadelphia so he wouldn't be back until the fall. _(Calm down, he flies out tomorrow, he's around here somewhere. Find him.)_ So then Tony went to the offices of the two professors that Rhodey worked for, and their offices were closed, locked. After that Tony went back to the labs and to the front desk, where once again all the student employees were off for the break. Tony felt like screaming. He ducked into the stair well and did a few bumps to calm himself. _(Doesn't work that way. You know it doesn't work that way.)_

Tony got behind the wheel of his car and his vision was shaky, the colors were almost too fucking bright for him and he wondered if that cocaine was laced with something. Maybe he was just too high, had done too much. He got out of his car and walked to the union, hailed a cab home, and the cabbie kept asking him what was wrong with his eyes. “Nothing.”

It was only eight o'clock when Tony got home. The sun was setting but there was a light on in the living room, the same lamp that Rhodey always left on for him. _(Why the fuck didn't you just come home, you idiot?)_ Tony dashed into the bedroom but it was empty, and so was the bathroom and the other bedroom. _(You should have just COME HOME.)_ Tony looked in the fridge and there was an entire pizza in there – Brooklyn-style crust with bacon, pepperoni, and mushrooms. Still warm. _(He was here. He brought your favorite pizza, too. He paid for it. He just left. He couldn't have left more than twenty minutes ago.)_ Tony made himself eat one slice even though he wasn't hungry, but he hadn't had anything to eat in over 24 hours and Rhodey had probably guessed as much.

Why hadn't he just come home? He should have come straight home after loading up the robot.

Tony went to his bedroom and sat on the bed, then retrieved the drugs from his pocket and did some bumps – didn't really count how many. Tony was starting to think that this coke might be kinda shitty because he didn't feel the usual “kick” after he did a bump. He just felt dull and his head was kind of swimmy, his eyes felt heavy and perhaps a little dizziness was coming on. Not at all common. _(Thanks for the shitty bag, 'Trice.)_ Tony laid back and sucked on his tongue a bit – his mouth was suddenly very dry. This shit must have been cut with aspirin because it made his mouth taste bitter now that it was dripping down the back of his pallet. There was water on his bedside table but when he sat up to retrieve it he felt like he might pass out. So he just laid back down, just breathed, tried to think of ways to get back at Patrice for selling him bunk coke.

 

*

 

Gravity shifted and Tony blinked. He was sitting up. Someone was holding him up. He blinked again and went to speak, but he couldn't. There was a fist on his back suddenly, pounding firmly and rhythmically, and Tony blinked until he could actually see.

“Breathe,” Rhodey said. His eyes were wild and his fist was beating on Tony's back. “Come on, get it out.”

Tony tried and nothing came out. Rhodey suddenly jammed his fingers in Tony's mouth and Tony could smell it, the half-digested pizza that Rhodey was scooping out of his mouth for him. Tony looked and it was all over his bed, all down the front of his shirt, on Rhodey's arm and the hand that was clasped in Tony's own. Rhodey was still pounding on his back but Tony didn't think he had anything in his lungs to clear his airways with. He was still trying to breathe and gagging right in Rhodey's worried face, his brow knitted together and his mouth moving, begging Tony to breathe, to cough, to sneeze, anything.

Tony pushed as hard he could and finally his throat cleared with a big surge of inhaled vomit, but Rhodey didn't move out of the way as it splattered on his shirt and neck as Tony slowly coughed and sputtered it all out. “Good,” Rhodey said, kept saying as he rubbed at Tony's shoulder, then the coughing finally ceased and Tony took one long, slow deep breath and released it. Rhodey's brow smoothed out and he let out a long breath, too, and then he got up and walked away to the bathroom while Tony caught his breath.

Tony stripped his shirt off and looked at the clock. He'd only been home for an hour. He looked at his ruined bed and remembered the bag of coke in his pocket. Yeah, he owed Patrice an apology. This was good shit.

Rhodey walked back in and shoved a wet rag towards Tony's face, which Tony took and cleaned himself with silently. Rhodey yanked his own shirt over his head and dropped it on the ruined bedsheets, then walked to Tony's dresser and took a clean one wordlessly. He put it on as he walked out of the room then, hands on his hips and head down as he headed toward the kitchen. Angry posture. Tony bundled up the shirts and bedsheets and shoved them into a corner, then went to the shower. Passing out and puking had completely blown his high and now he was washing his hair and scrubbing his feet with a pumice stone, using his nail brush, doing everything he could to make this shower last forever. He didn't want to face Rhodey. Tony knew that he'd overdosed and he actually considered going to a hospital for a moment, but not with his folks coming to town tomorrow. He didn't wanna deal with it. He already had to atone for what he'd just done to Rhodey, scaring him like that. He quietly thanked the universe for the fact that Rhodey didn't know his parents and couldn't contact them.

Tony stood under the water for a while and hoped that embarrassment was the kind of thing that could be washed away. He had been on his way to the Great Beyond when the man who was nice enough to fuck him came over and literally dug the vomit out of his mouth so that he wouldn't die. The same person who'd carried the American flag in the MIT homecoming parade and had a photo of himself with General Colin Powell _framed_ in his dorm room and sometimes just slept beside Tony, didn't always try to fuck him.

Tony came out of the shower and Rhodey was sitting on Tony's stripped bed, his eyes towards the ground and his hands in fists. Tony went to the dresser and dried off, tried not to look towards the bed even though he could feel Rhodey's eyes on him now. It was horribly quiet.

“I'm sorry,” Tony said, still not looking at Rhodey. “I'm really sorry you had to find me like that. That's never happened before, I don't know how I -”

“Too much coke, maybe?” Rhodey asked, and Tony finally found the courage to look at Rhodey's face and nod.

“I don't get it,” Rhodey continued. “Why you'd even bother with that shit.”

“Two doctorates in one year, remember?” Tony said, trying to make it sound light. “Big mistake.”

“Class was over a week ago,” Rhodey said.

“So I was celebrating with some friends.” Tony dropped his towel and opened the top drawer for underwear, and he picked a pair up but put them right back down when Rhodey spoke again.

“You know what? I can't deal with this, I can't – I only left to turn in my dorm key but what if I'd just decided to stay there for the night? You'd be dead, okay, you'd be lying on this bed fucking _dead_ from choking on your own vomit, and no one would find you until...” Tony was naked but he didn't care. All he could do was stare at Rhodey and watch his face pinch and get angrier with each word he spoke. “I'm really glad I came back, but I can't do that again, okay? You and me – we're through. It's done. I can be your friend, but dating isn't gonna work when you're like this.”

_(We're dating. He just said that we are dating.)_

“So you're breaking up with me?” Tony asked, purely out of curiosity.

Rhodey huffed and smirked in what seemed to be astonishment. “Yes, yes I am.”

“I didn't realize we were dating.”

Rhodey blinked sharply and he smiled through his anger. “ _Wow_. Well, sorry I was so fucking presumptuous.”

Rhodey shook his head and stood, all the while moving towards the door and mumbling about Tony's nerve and how he took things for granted, so Tony walked up to him, still nude but desperate not to let Rhodey walk out while thinking those things about him. “No, no, really, I didn't _know_ ,” Tony said, and Rhodey was just looking at the floor, still mumbling and obviously very pissed. “I mean it. I've fucked a lot of people but I've never actually had a boyfriend before so I don't really know what this is supposed to be like. I don't know how to take care of another person, and clearly I'm not very good at it when I try.” Rhodey's gaze was skeptical, but at least he wasn't walking out of the room. “I mean I haven't fucked anyone else since – what, October? Yeah, that's seven months, right? I've been dating you for seven months and I had no idea.”

Tony had a boyfriend. He couldn't believe it. He chuckled at that but Rhodey was still rather stoic, though he nodded a bit. “You've really never had a boyfriend?”

“No.”

They were both quiet for a moment, then Rhodey spoke up again. “Well, I really do hate to be the first person to break up with you, but -”

“Give me the summer,” Tony said. “No, really, I fly out tomorrow and I can't get coke in Malibu. I have to go L.A. to get it, but I promise you – I'll go home, I'll kick and come back clean.”

“Do you really think it's gonna work if you're just doing it for me?” Rhodey still wasn't touching him, was just standing there with his arms hanging uselessly at his sides, so Tony reached down and hooked his pinky around Rhodey's, and he held tight when Rhodey tried to shake him off.

“What, do you think I wanna do coke forever? I don't wanna be a fifty year-old addict who keeps defibrillators and adrenaline shots in their house. I only started this shit so I could finish school this semester, but now I get sick if I'm not high. I'm running on drugs and booze and maybe four meals a week. It sucks, I can't live like this.” Tony wrapped his other fingers around Rhodey's, and he could have sobbed when he felt Rhodey's grip tighten. “You? You're a plus, you're like a bonus for straightening up, you know?” Tony liked to imagine that he could stay with a guy like Rhodey forever, but he knew that real life rarely worked out that way. The main thing was that Tony had a boyfriend for the first time and he was about to drive him away with his drug use. “I don't want to lose my best friend and my first boyfriend to drugs. To fuckin' _cocaine_. Something I wasn't doing for fun in the first place – was just tryin' to stay awake.”

“Your lips were blue, Tony. You were almost...” Rhodey's voice was pained and he cut himself off, looking away quickly, and now he was shifting towards the door again, and Tony just thought _NO NO NO_ and held on even tighter to Rhodey's hand, took the other one too and just shook his head. Only one good thing had come out of the past year for Tony and he was about to lose it. “I really don't wanna have to save your life again over this shit.”

“You won't. Do _not_ walk out of here, Rhodey,” Tony said, and he hoped that Rhodey could see that he wasn't demanding anything out of him but was actually begging him to stay. “Everything about this year sucked except for you. You don't care about my name or my money, and that's more unique than you'd think. I mean you've _never_ asked me about my dad's stupid company. And you leave the light on for me. Give me the summer. Please.”

 

Rhodey never spoke an answer. He and Tony reheated their pizza and ate it in the living room, and they fell asleep in Tony's spare room, on a clean bed.

 

*

 

Rhodey caught a ride to the airport the next day with Tony. They were in a blacked-out limousine with the partition up between themselves and the driver, someone in his family's employ. They sat in the drop-off area for a long moment with Rhodey's bags on the opposite seat and Tony's stomach burning, both from nervousness and a lack of cocaine. He hadn't done any since the evening before and now that he'd shaken off the worst effects of his overdose he was starting to feel sick. He was freezing cold but sweating a bit, and he tensed every muscle in his body to stave off a strong urge to shiver. He still had about half of that eight-ball left. It was in his pocket.

“Are we still...” Tony sighed, embarrassed, but he _had to_ ask. “Are you still my man?”

Rhodey laughed, but he was nodding. “I like the way you put it.”

Tony felt relief, a huge release of tension from his body at those words, and Rhodey leaned forward to give him a warm hug. “Have a good summer,” Rhodey said quietly into his ear. “I'll see you in August.”

Tony released Rhodey from his embrace so they could kiss, and Tony didn't move away once they were done. He stayed close to Rhodey, touched his face and rested his head on Rhodey's shoulder. Tony was serious about trying to kick, but he intended to do it alone, without the help of medical professionals or medications to ease the pain of detoxing off of hard drugs. He'd researched it a little already. He knew it was gonna feel terrible, but it was something he _had to_ do.

“I can come visit you some time soon,” Rhodey offered.

“Yeah,” Tony said. “That'd be great, actually. I'll send the jet.”

“Wow.” Rhodey chuckled a bit, then lifted Tony's head to kiss him one more time. “I know you're nervous. You can stop. You got this, okay? Call me.”

They kissed again before Rhodey gathered his bags and got out of the limo alone, and though the windows were covered with black-out tint, Rhodey still waved at the limo before walking into the airport.

**Author's Note:**

> Part 2 - [The Future](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1226197).


End file.
